Trigger
by Anae-chan
Summary: Those eyes were empty. Blank. Every emotion was ripped away. "Should I become like that… Kill me." Leon lifted his weapon, pointing his gunblade at the man standing in front of him.  Leon/Cloud.


_To__: _QttQ  
><em><span>Title<span>__: _Trigger  
><em><span>Author<span>__: _Anae  
><em><span>Beta<span>__: _QttQ (Thank you once again, dear.)  
><em><span>Fandom<span>__: _Kingdom Hearts  
><em><span>Characterspairing__: _Leon/Cloud  
><em><span>Rating<span>__: _R  
><em><span>Spoilers<span>__: _None  
><em><span>Disclaimer<span>__: _I don't own Kingdom Hearts. *sigh*  
><em><span>Summary<span>__: _Those eyes were empty. Blank. Every emotion was ripped away.  
>"<em>Should I become like that<em>_…__ Kill me.__"  
><em>Leon lifted his weapon, pointing his gunblade at the man standing in front of him.  
><em><span>AN__: _Written for QttQ, my beloved co-writer. She wanted something to cry about, and this was it.  
><em><span>Feedback:<span> _Needed, and loved.

"Will you pull the trigger?"

Leon was staring into a pair of familiar unnaturally blue eyes, refusing to believe what he saw in those depths. Or rather, what they lacked.

Pain. Agony. Fear. It was all gone.

But so was everything else. Tenderness. Care. Love.

Those eyes were empty. Blank. Every emotion was ripped away.

"_Should I become like that… Kill me."_

Leon lifted his weapon, pointing his gunblade at the man standing in front of him. The blonde didn't move, didn't even flinch. Absolutely nothing was reflected in his emotionless gaze.

The brunette stared, swallowing a lump risen in his throat. He remembered the words from yesterday, remember his own answer. But all too vivid were the memories of the hidden times they had spent alone. Moments of passion; a wanton, willing body trapped between him and the mattress, nails digging into his back, a quiet cry as release washed over the couple. Moments of tenderness; light touches stolen in every day routine, feather-light kisses. Moments when they simply held each other, listening to each other's breathing.

A memory of that slight, rare smile.

He couldn't do it.

So, instead he turned and walked away. He ran for miles, ran until he reached the ruins of an abandoned factory. Only memories and broken heart as his comfort, he fell onto his knees and screamed.

~o~o~o~

_Merlin closed the wooden door behind him, giving his full attention to the gunblader he had wanted to talk to. In those features, having seen a life-time and more, lingered pure worry.  
><em>

"_Killing Sephiroth might not cure him." The wizard stated, giving Leon's growing anxiety a push forward, towards the edge. Before the young man could protest, he continued. "Cloud has lost everyone except you, and revenging them is the only thing that will keep him sane. Besides you, of course." A worried, anxious pause. "But I'm not sure if you alone are strong enough."_

_Leon swallowed, fighting back the urge to walk out the door and scream until he couldn't speak anymore. The situation had never looked bright, but now the last light was about to be smothered by darkness._

"_He can't go on like this either."_

_Merlin nodded, his white beard going up and down. _

"_I am aware. But I wanted to point out the risks." He paused, eyes holding ancient wisdom and secrets, drilling into Leon's stormy blue-grey. Merlin had no words of comfort to offer, so he offered the simple truth, as heart-breaking as it was. "Should he stay like this, his sorrow and anger will kill him. Should he beat Sephiroth, he might lose the slim light he has."_

_The brunette turned his head to the side to look at something that wouldn't see the moisture in his eyes. A couple of days back, Sephiroth hadn't only beaten Cloud again, but also killed every single one of his friends._

_Cid.  
><em>_Yuffie.  
><em>_Tifa.  
><em>_Aerith._

_The only reason why Leon was alive, was that he had been gone to fight heartless. If it was a stroke of luck, it really didn't feel like one._

_Leon blinked, hitting the wall with a fist. Cloud had already lost so much. Now he was broken, beyond repair. And there was no one to repair him, because Leon couldn't do it alone. All because of Sephiroth._

_Cloud couldn't go on like this and killing Sephiroth would most likely kill not only most of the darkness inside him, but also steal the small light he had? It just… Wasn't fair._

"_Tell him." Leon mumbled._

~o~o~o~

_Some hours later Merlin had told everything there was to tell and left the lovers alone. No matter how much he had seen and lost during his all too long life, the memories of their lost friends and the sight of the ones left behind was tearing his heart apart. Cloud was sitting on the bed, one knee pulled up to his chest, desperately keeping it together and Leon standing some steps away, his eyes on Cloud, desperate to help but not knowing how._

_A long time passed before neither of the fighters moved or spoke. _

"_Leon." Cloud started, staring at nothing in particular. "If I lose my light… I don't want to go on like that. I just-" A pause, a desperate glance to the older warrior. "I don't want to become a heartless creature of darkness."_

"_You won't." Leon tried to sound sure and calming, but his worry and anxiety were too great. Besides, they both knew it was just a pointless façade. _

"_Leon." The gunblader met those blue eyes as his name was called. "Promise me one thing."_

_Leon hated the apologising tone in that broken voice. He feared what was to come. "Should I become like that… Kill me." _

_The brunette stared, then turned away to face the wall, away Cloud. He never wanted to hear those words, didn't want to promise to kill the one thing he had sworn to protect. His hand closed into a fist and met the wall. Why?_

"_Squall." Leon turned to look into the depths of enhanced blue eyes, just to see them reflecting the turmoil of his soul._

"_Please."_

_Stormy eyes met the ceiling. He told himself those weren't tears. Neither in his eyes, nor in his lover's. _

"_I promise."_

_Who was he to deny the one thing his loved one asked for selfishly?_

~o~o~o~

_Sephiroth was gone._

_Cloud was on his knees, his breathing ragged._

_Leon stood further away, not daring to take one step closer. He didn't dare to move, speak or hope. The last one his heart did for him, had done ever since he'd met Cloud, sending a prayer once again to the heavens._

_Only to be crushed a second later as the blonde stood up and turned to look at him._

_No joy, no pain, no fear._

_No true darkness, no light._

_Nothing._

_Everything was gone._

~o~o~o~

Two days later, Leon came back.

A figure presenting his back to him spoke.

"Will you now pull the trigger?"

Leon didn't know the answer, so he replied with a question of his own.

"Why are you so eager to die?"

Cloud turned to see the man, shaking his messy, blonde head. His looks were the same as ever; a lean, strong body.

"I'm not. It simply doesn't matter to me." The voice was the same, the way words lulled from his tongue far too familiar.

"The pain and the burden I carried are gone, but so is every other feeling." Familiar was the way no emotion was showed in his tone, in his expression. But it wasn't controlled like it used to be.

"But what I think now is irrelevant." He waved his hand, eyeing the older fighter. "I remember how I felt when I asked you to pull the trigger. I wanted it."

Leon forced himself not to look away. He had tried to pretend this person wasn't Cloud, that he had no memories, but he was wrong. Even if no emotions were present, it was still his Cloud.

"And I remember the feelings towards you. Belief. Trust. Something I was too afraid to name." Leon pretended his eyes weren't about to water. He tried to pretend he didn't hear the words, didn't find his own emotions reflected in those words. "Seeing your face two days ago, I knew it was mutual."

Leon told himself he wasn't thinking about dropping his gunblade and running away again.

"So I waited." Cloud paused, noticing the unspoken question reflected in the gunblader's eyes. He still knew what to make of the slightest changes in the older fighter's posture and looks. "Because it's justice. To me and to you." He paused, shrugging. "Pull the trigger or don't, I don't care. You pull, I die, you don't, I'll leave."

He paused again, turning head to the side. "So, will you?"

Leon noticed he was shaking. He had killed men before, even those close to him but this…

To kill your lover?

A person you cared so deeply for, who you wanted to keep safe and to protect. The person who had found the key to every lock in your heart, who had bared your soul and still hadn't let go but instead pulled you closer?

As memories of the times the two had shared flooded back to him, stormy blue-grey searched for unnatural blue. Leon let himself be unguarded, let Cloud see everything there was. But the mako-blue eyes were emotionless, dull, blank. He was empty. There was nothing there.

Yet, if Leon pretended just a little, he could see the slightest flicker of care in those eyes, the controlled anxiety in his steps, the rarest of smiles on his lips.

But it was pretence.

Leon lifted his weapon. There wasn't much of an aim, since something watery fogged his vision.

But it was enough for an unmoving target from this range, he knew.

A gunshot would rip his heart out of his chest and destroy everything he held dear. Yet…

"_Please."_

He pulled the trigger.


End file.
